Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
