Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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