Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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