I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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