he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
