i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize