The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
