so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
