come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
