I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
