That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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