M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
