He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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