Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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