I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
