i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
