Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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