bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
