Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
