I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
