Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
