last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
