I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
