Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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