I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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