i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
