When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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