Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
