He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
