everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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