Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
