I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
