No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
