Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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