Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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