I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
