The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
