dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
