In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
