Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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