Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
