Can i not drive my cunt home
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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