then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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