Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize