i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
