You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
