I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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