i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
