I'm going to jail i love you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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