I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
