I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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