these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
