why didn't you poke me back
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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