she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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