Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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