he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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