You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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