He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
