I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
