Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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