Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
