Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I met the friendliest cop last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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