i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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