I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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