So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
