I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
