college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
