He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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