he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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