the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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