Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
its liver damage thursday
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